


In This Moment

by Scauby



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Asphyxiation, Character Death, Depression, Hair, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Murder, Porphyria's Lover, Strangulation, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:46:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28648530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scauby/pseuds/Scauby
Summary: Changbin wanted to stay in this moment forever. And why couldn't they?
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Seo Changbin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	In This Moment

**Author's Note:**

> I found a piece of creative writing I had to do in high school, which I was inspired by Robert Browning's poem [Porphyria's Lover](https://www.sparknotes.com/poetry/browning/section1/)  
> to write. I really enjoyed writing it, so I've changed it up and made it a fic! It's a short read.
> 
> Please mind the tags*  
> Imagine Hyunjin with hair down to his chest*  
> This is unbetad*

It was a moment he would cherish forever: the way Hyunjin’s golden hair had cascaded between them as his head rested against his shoulder; the way he hadn’t continuously blinked as he wrenched his eyelids open, even though he’d insisted he was getting enough sleep; and the way his body had been completely relaxed against his own.

It was a moment he would cherish forever, because the wrinkles between his eyes had finally vanished.

~~~~~~~~~

Moments like these had been scarce during the few weeks prior; moments when he wasn’t tormented by the idea that his lover no longer felt happiness, or that he no longer loved him.

 _CREAAAK_ ; the front door had been opened.

Nowadays when Hyunjin entered a room, he’d drag his feet behind him, along with his belongings and any positive emotions he might’ve felt. Changbin had known his days had gotten longer, and that by the time he arrived home he was too exhausted to do anything.

As the days had gone by, the wrinkles between his eyes had grown deeper.

Despite all of this, each day Changbin waited to embrace him. But on this day, just like the previous day, and the day before that, his embrace was ignored.

There was no getting used to the new routine: no more comforting embraces or affectionate kisses on his cheek as he entered, no more discussing the highs and lows of his day, and no more arguing over what they would have for dinner.

Hyunjin didn’t really eat anymore.

Each time the bronze-haired man trudged past him, towards the kitchen island to dump his belongings and slouch over the bench, his heart would break a little more.

“Hey, Jin?”

He was acknowledged with a mumbled, “Mmh?”

“Do you feel like take-away tonight? Anything you want. We can have it delivered.”

Changbin waited several minutes for a response, quietly flicking through the take-away menus they kept on their fridge. He’d learnt to be extra patient with his husband. Eventually, he would come around.

“I’d–I just feel like Ramen…”

“That’s okay,” he reassured him, “We can have Ramen. I can run down to the store and get some.” Changbin slipped the menus back under their magnets, “Do you want to have a shower while I go? We can eat as soon as I get back.”

Hyunjin nodded silently.

With that, Changbin grabbed his keys from their bedroom dresser, then returned to the kitchen. Before he left, he gently caressed Hyunjin’s knuckles, which were still resting on the bench, their owner staring into space, “I’ll just be a minute.”

~~~~~~~~~

Dinner went surprisingly well.

Although it took an hour for him to finish, Hyunjin ate the entire bowl (save for some soup, which had eventually gone cold).

Changbin was ecstatic. It had been so long since Hyunjin had last eaten an entire meal or expressed much interest in food.

Maybe he was getting better! Maybe he’d just been in a slump from work and had needed some time to organise his emotions.

Perhaps not.

After washing up their used dishes, Changbin found Hyunjin sitting on the edge of their bed, head tilted and staring into their ensuite door.

No… Changbin was stupid for getting his hopes up. He wasn’t getting better at all.

“Hyun—” he murmured. He tried again, quietly, “Hyunjin.”

It took a moment for him to reply, and he did so lazily: “… Yeah?”

Apprehension choked him before he could ask, with an immense amount of effort, “Would you like to watch a movie with me?”

He was surprised to see Hyunjin actually consider the offer, eyes meeting his voluntarily, though he too seemed apprehensive. It was even more surprising when he agreed: “Okay. Can you choose, though?”

Changbin grinned at this. It had been a long time since they’d done any leisurely activities together. If Hyunjin wasn’t working he was usually in bed watching Twitch streams or YouTube videos.

Changbin rushed to their lounge room and set up his chosen movie, in case Hyunjin changed his mind. He was anticipating the prospect of a pleasant and relaxing night with the man he loved.

While Hyunjin made himself comfortable on the couch, Changbin grabbed a blanket from the linen closet and the pillows from their bed. Once he returned, he tucked the blanket around the two of them and stuffed a pillow between his husband and the arm of the couch.

He was careful not to lean against his shoulder like he usually would. He gave him space, hoping the other would take initiative.

And half-way through the movie, he did.

When he finally leant against him, his head on Changbin’s shoulder, the older of the two turned to stone. This is what he had hoped for, but he hadn’t actually expected it.

To top it off, Hyunjin was smiling—only slightly, but it was a smile nonetheless, and it made the biggest difference.

He cherished moments like these, which rarely occurred, where they rested on the sofa, heads resting against one-another and Hyunjin’s golden hair cascading between them. Because it was moments like these when he thought they might still be in love, and that he might still be happy despite his seemingly constant state of despair.

Hyunjin had begun drifting to sleep, his entire face relaxing.

It was a beautiful sight.

The movie was forgotten as Changbin stared down at the love of his life, questioning what could have caused him to burry so deep into his mind, and to leave Changbin behind.

Changbin wanted to stay in this moment forever, so he made a decision.

He combed his fingers through the bronze locks hanging over his shoulder, moving carefully as not to awaken Hyunjin. The dull strands fell limply between his fingers. They used to be golden…

Gently, Changbin lifted Hyunjin’s head and gathered the rest of his hair to one side, then proceeded to pull his husband into his lap and ensure he was still covered by the blanket.

When was the last time Hyunjin let him hold him like this?

With a steady hand, Changbin gripped the hair in his fist and looped the locks once around Hyunjin’s neck, then pulled.

The sheer strength behind the action crushed his windpipe, then smothered his carotid arteries, all the while Hyunjin jerked awake in agony.

Ironically, he looked more alive than he had in weeks.

And Changbin almost let go. This wasn’t right.

This was supposed to help him, yet he seemed to be in pain. Hyunjin struggled against his hold, reached for his hair in a futile attempt at freeing himself.

“Jin, please stop struggling!” He begged with urgency. Couldn’t he see that he was trying to help him? The struggle would only increase his pain!

He prevailed, and Hyunjin quickly let up the struggle, convulsing one last time.

This needed to be done, if he ever wanted to be free of the pain.

Hyunjin finally relaxed into his arms.

Several minutes passed before Changbin slowly released the locks. When he finally pulled his hands away, strands of hair came with them, trapped beneath his nails.

He waited for him to move, for his actions to turn on him, but he remained relaxed against him.

When he was sure Hyunjin was alright, he moved his husband off of his lap and into his previous position, head resting against his shoulder and blanket tucked around him.

And there they lay, Hyunjin’s golden hair once again cascading between them; his eyes and body completely relaxed against him. 

The wrinkles between his eyes had finally vanished.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Scauby_?s=09)  
> [Curious Cat](http://curiouscat.me/Scauby)


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